Through My Eyes
by Rhia Poisson
Summary: Sense and Sensibility Margaret, being younger than her sisters, sees the world a little differently. Margaret's perspective on her sisters' troubled romances and on their neighbors, including Willoughby, Brandon and Mrs. Jennings.
1. Departure from Norland

Dear Diary,

We quit Norland today. Mama told me it was all because of Fanny Dashwood and started weeping inconsolably. I don't understand why we had to leave so suddenly. Elinor said it was because Norland belonged to our brother John now, and we had no say in it. I think it most unfair that I can live here my whole life and have nothing to say in what I have considered mine. Norland is my home and no little windy cottage anywhere can replace it. I was born here, my sisters were born here, my life is here, my books are here. Only they aren't mine any longer. Elinor keeps reminding me it all belongs to John and Fanny. I heard Fanny telling her brother about her plans to improve upon Norland. And Fanny wants to sell some of the books Marianne would read to me in the library. Elinor says she can, and has every right to, but I still think it most unfair and Marianne agrees with me. One portion of the family should no be made rich at the expense of another.

When I am old and have children of my own, I shall be certain to leave houses for all of them. I told Elinor this and she said I must marry well to do this, very well indeed. But I don't want to marry. When I grow up I shall become famous and wealthy and I won't have to go through all the mess and bother of courtship and engagement and marriage. Or I'll marry a terribly dashing young army officer with a red coat who will dote on me tirelessly in between doing heroic deeds and making the two of us very rich. I have not yet quite decided which would please me most.

Nevertheless, we are headed off to some place by the name of Barton Cottage, where a relative of Mama's, Sir John Middleton, will allow us to live. Elinor says we're poor now, and that we need to be grateful for the kindness of this stranger. She has been acting unusually reserved, and she didn't even cry as Norland was left behind.

Marianne says Elinor is too reserved, and ashamed of her feelings. When I enquired what feelings, Marianne wouldn't explain to me. I suppose it relates in some way to how she has been creating errands to leave Elinor alone with Edward. I was under the impression that it was improper, but Mama doesn't seem to mind and I think she hopes Edward has fallen in love with Elinor.

I don't see that he has. Marianne says love is supposed to be exciting, that an attachment can be formed in an instant's acquaintance and it is apparent to all parties involved. So, if Marianne is correct, Elinor and Edward cannot be in love, for they are acting so composed. Or, at the very least, he cannot be in love with her, for I know my sister's disposition and I do not believe she would reveal her feelings to a relative stranger, no matter how agreeable he is.

I came across them a few days before we were due to leave Norland. They were admiring one of Elinor's drawings, a rather beautiful one of Mama and Papa, and Edward admitted to finding it quite like Mama, but he admired it not. He made no compliments to Elinor or to Elinor's abilities and I believe him quite unattached to Elinor.

And, furthermore, as they said goodbye, Edward treated us equally. His farewells were as brother to sisters, and Elinor's equally reserved. In her case, however, I am disposed to make allowances for her temper. She may, indeed esteem him greatly, but that is all she will own unless engaged, I suspect.

For my part, I was sad to be leaving Edward. I found him a great deal more pleasant than Fanny. He is very gentlemanlike, and, in spite of Marianne's condemnation, I find his company most agreeable as he does not treat me like a child. Making his acquaintance is the only good thing to have come out of these months. He obliged me one evening and read to me from a novel that is a particular favourite of mine. He read well, but he was wanting in emotion. Nevertheless, it was more pleasant that Mama's readings, and Edward did not complain nearly so much as Marianne when I ask her to read. Marianne seemed agitated as she sewed, but calmed later in the evening when I picked up my own work. I suppose her dress must have been causing her difficulty. I shouldn't say this, but I hope I shall never have to wear a corset like Marianne and Elinor do. They seem most hideously uncomfortable. Mama says I must start wearing one soon, it would make life absolutely unbearable.

Indeed, since Papa died it has been quite intolerable. Not only did John and his horrid wife, Fanny come to the house before Mama had the chance to quit it, they seemed intent on getting us to leave as hastily as possible. I heard a conversation between Mama and Fanny not long after they arrived in which Fanny intimated that we would soon be obliged to leave. And we were not even out of the house before they began selling our belongings. Except they belong to John and Fanny now, Elinor says. We now depend upon their charity, so we must endeavour to be as little trouble as possible. Elinor tells me I am being extremely uncivil in my treatment of Fanny, but I think my behaviour is admirable. Marianne has been quite rude to Fanny, but I have merely avoided her.

Mama says I must not avoid Sir John Middleton and his family in such a fashion. I do hope that our new neighbours are agreeable people. I could not stand them if they bore any similarity to Fanny Dashwood, as I find her company most unbearable. Mama must not share my opinion as she extended an invitation to her and my brother John to join us after we were settled.

Margaret Dashwood

xxx

A/N: Thanks to my beta who took time out from her new baby to do this. Even if she can't manage an epic with a newborn, she can manage this.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.


	2. Life at Barton Cottage

Dear Diary,

Marianne is locked up in her room at the present and nobody will explain to me why. I believe it must have something to do with Willoughby, as he called today and left in quite a hurry. He seemed quite distressed and did not pay his usual compliments to Mama and Elinor. He said something about not enjoying our society any longer, but I do not understand. If he did not enjoy our company why would he continue to visit with us?

Marianne is inconsolable; she has not left her room since Willoughby quit Barton Cottage. I do not understand why she is so overwrought; it is not as if he will not be back for her soon. He has a lock of her hair in his pocketbook, I know he does, and he has done every thing but declare his intentions towards her to my mother. I do believe that they have an understanding, how can they not when they are so clearly attached to one another?

Elinor says I must say nothing of this matter to Mrs. Jennings, as it will further disconcert our sister. It must be something like how Elinor was so put out when I revealed her attachment to Edward to Mrs. Jennings. But it isn't as though I truly said anything, and now Mrs. Jennings and Sir John say things that make Elinor turn a most unbecoming shade of red. I do regret saying it now, but I thought Elinor would not object. It is not as if they did anything improper. But the jests continue to come, and the letter 'F' is a most witty letter, indeed, if it can cause that much merriment in Sir John and Mrs. Jennings.

I like Mrs. Jennings, though, and I find what she says interesting. She tells me things, unlike my sisters. Elinor is too proper to tell me anything, and Marianne is too much absorbed in Willoughby. I have not had a proper conversation with her since he rescued her.

But Mrs. Jennings has conversations, and she tells us all what is happening and the particulars of those involved. What she told us of Colonel Brandon has confirmed him as one of the nicest men of my acquaintance, if not one whose company I enjoy the most. His manner reminds me of Edward-very calm and steady. But Colonel Brandon, even if his initial greetings are a little colder than Edwards, has the most monstrously engaging stories about India to tell! India, of all places! He says the air was full of spices, and that it was very hot. And he has seen elephants.

Mrs. Jennings likes him a great deal, and makes it her business to know all his doings. Indeed, Mrs. Jennings was whispering to Elinor that he was in love with Marianne! He is so very old! I do declare he would be a better match for Mama than Marianne! Poor Colonel Brandon will never have Marianne, of course, for she is in love with Willoughby. Or rather, she was when last I heard, which was not three hours ago. Actually, that is a rather long time for Marianne. Usually I hear her feelings for Willoughby at least five times daily.

I find Marianne's enthusiasm for Willoughby somewhat tiresome, but Willoughby himself is an excellent man. My first impressions of him as Marianne's preserver, proved to be correct. Not only did he save her in a most heroic manner, he is gentlemanlike and cuts a dashing figure in his red coat. He is very like Marianne, in his tastes and manners. Indeed, his first visit to Barton Cottage saw the most animated discussion of Shakespeare and other poets between the two. I could not imagine any two people more well-suited. I have been awaiting their engagement since first they met.

I've been bid to ignore it and concentrate on my French lessons, but French grammar holds little interest for me at present. I am much more interested in why Willoughby left so suddenly. I shall miss him, as will Mama and Elinor. And that is to say nothing of Marianne.

It is monstrously strange. I wonder what information Mrs. Jennings will be willing to impart to my sisters about Willoughby's mysterious absence. If Mrs. Jennings knows anything, it will soon become generally available. I'm certain she, or Sir John, will invite us for dinner presently, and Willoughby will be the main source of conversation, much as Colonel Brandon was when he left in a similarly abrupt fashion.

Margaret Dashwood

xxx

A/N: Again, it's thanks to my beta (who is lovely to beta despite new baby) that this is up. Reviews would be loved.

Disclaimer: Don't own Sense and Sensibility.


	3. My Sisters are Married and Settled

Dear Diary,

Both my sisters are married and now settled. Miss Lucy Steele is married as well, but I never truly liked her. She rarely talked to me, and when she did I felt so plain that I tried to avoid it. I think it is a good thing she is settled so far, for then I shall never be obliged to visit her. Happily for Mama, Marianne and Elinor are not settled too far away from Barton Cottage. Indeed, we visit them frequently.

Elinor is married to Edward and I am so monstrously happy for her. Indeed, everyone is overjoyed at the match. Except Edward's family, I suppose, but I cannot speak with any authority on that subject. Marianne has been more reserved than usual and so any information she has of the matter is unavailable to me at present.

Mrs. Jennings was dabbing at her eyes with her handkerchief during the service, and Mama was nearly overcome as well. Mama's sensitivity overcomes her at times, and Marianne endeavoured to quiet her a little. Marianne, who would usually be just as overwhelmed as Mama, instead composed herself very well.

Elinor, too, looked enormously happy. She did not seem so reserved as usual. Her smile was genuine and unaffected. She does, indeed, love Edward, and I must conclude from his proposal that he does love her, too. Perhaps he has always loved her, and I just couldn't see it.

Marianne, too, is married. She to Colonel Brandon of all people! Due to Mrs. Jennings' information, I have been aware of his intentions towards my sister for quite some time, however I never thought she would accept his proposal. He is so vastly different from Willoughby that I cannot see her truly loving the Colonel as she did Willoughby.

In any case, I was under the impression that Marianne did not believe in second loves. It always struck me as somewhat silly-our mother was not the first love of Papa, after all. Nevertheless, Marianne is married to the Colonel and seems to be quite content with her situation. I suppose she will grow more attached to the Colonel with time. Indeed, I do so hope she will. It would be terrible to live your whole life with someone you don't love. But the Colonel has so many fascinating stories, and if he can be as animated in reading as he was when he told me of India Marianne shall not be long in falling for him.

My sisters do not visit with Mrs. Jennings, Sir John and Lady Middleton as frequently as they used to. Mrs. Jennings mourned their absence when we last visited with her. Sir John, likewise, was disappointed with their absence. To distract himself, he has turned to other amusements, such as making merry at my expense.

Apparently, as my two elder sisters are both married and settled, it is now my turn to amuse Sir John and Mrs. Jennings with my daily life. Including, particularly, any and all young men I may happen across. I find all this bother extraordinarily silly as I have no interest in young men whatsoever. I am only just fifteen, and have met no young men, wealthy or otherwise.

'We shall have to work to find a husband for little Margaret soon,' Sir John has loudly and frequently exclaimed, a proposal with which Mrs. Jennings agrees heartily.

'You must make a match as good as your sisters. I believe Mr. Palmer has a cousin only a few years older than you who is studying law in London at the moment, I shall have to introduce you once you've come out and visit London with me.' Mrs. Jennings proceeded to expand on this cousin of Mr. Palmers, with great attention to all the particulars until it was time to leave.

I now believe I am acquainted with the frustration Marianne and Elinor faced when visiting with Mrs. Jennings. I heartily regret ever informing Mrs. Jennings of Edward's name and lack of occupation. If I must endure the jests at my expense that Elinor so quietly accepted I shall do something most improper, I am sure. And then Elinor will scold me, and perhaps Marianne will as well, she is so changed since going to London and being to ill.

Sir John and Mrs. Jennings are most enthusiastic in their efforts to find me a husband. Sir John even says he will throw a grand party for when I come out, but Mama says that shall not be for half a year yet. Luckily Mrs. Jennings agreed with Mama, or I should have heard of nothing but that from either Sir John or Mrs. Jennings until a year had passed, as there is no other news.

Despite my own personal trials, I am happy for my sisters. Marianne's new house is lovely-she has added a few details here and there which make it her home. The pianoforte Colonel Brandon has there is absolutely exquisite-even better than the one back at Norland!

Elinor and Edward, although their living isn't large, are comfortable there. Elinor has taken up drawing again, and I believe Edward must be encouraging her in it as the admiration he expresses for her drawings now is much greater than that he shewed previously.

I, in contrast to my sisters, have no accomplishments to speak of, unless proficiency in French grammar is one. So I shall do as Mama says and return to it now.

Margaret Dashwood

xxx

A/N: Thanks for the final time to my lovely beta. Have fun being a mother, darling! Reviews are loved, adored, cherished and very useful, so if there's anything you'd like to say, you know where the review box is.

Thanks for reading!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.


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